It is one thing to dislike aspects of yourself or your personality, but it is another to hate your entire self, both inside and out. The voice inside your head never seems to shut up, trying to convince you that you are a terrible person who will never ever amount to anything in life and that your future is destined for a downfall.
I am not sure at what point that the voice was even born for me. Looking back into the past, I cannot think of a time in my life where I was happy with myself. The voice only grew louder and louder as I grew up. Every mistake that I made, I convinced myself that everything good that I had ever done was all for nothing. Every action I carried out or every decision I made was backed by self-doubt, and the more I tried to silence it, the stronger it came.
We as people are trained to question everything, but to some extent, we must have faith and confidence that hopefully, everything will turn out for the best, and if it doesn’t, it isn’t always our fault. The first step I took in attempting to silence this critic (the step I am still working on) is realizing that the voice doesn’t have to be and isn’t the only voice in my head. There is another voice, I just have to find it. Convincing myself that there is this voice is the only way to believe in its truth and reality. Once we realize that a voice like this can exist, we can focus on replacing our negative thought patterns with more positive ones.
All of this, of course, is easier said than done. Undoing years of negative self-talk and replacing them with positive ones can be extremely difficult. We have repeated those same sentences over and over to ourselves for so many years, it may seem impossible to replace them. I was once told that it takes 3 positive thoughts to replace a single negative one, as it is a human tendency to oftentimes gravitate towards the negative. Here are a few ways you can surround yourself with positive messages, in order to start convincing your brain that they are in fact, true.
Sticky Notes: Leave sticky notes with positive messages in common places, such as on your bathroom mirror, on your door, or even on your desk. Place these notes in places that you visit and spend time every day so that you are forced to look at them and read them.
Doodle on yourself: Leaving messages or symbols drawn with a pen on your arm or hand can be another helpful way to carry positive messages. This can also be used as an alternative to self-harm.
Work on reframing: Try to reframe any negative thoughts that pop into your head. For me, this was the hardest one to do, and I still struggle with it, because it takes a lot of effort to even think of these things, especially when you start off not completely believing them. When reframing, I try to move away from extreme languages such as “never” always” and “nothing” and focus more on feelings, hopes, and wishes.
Examples of reframing can look like this
“I will never be good enough” becomes “Even though I sometimes make mistakes, I am human, that is okay, and I am enough for me.”
“I am extremely nervous right now, I am going to fail” can become “I am going to get through this and come out even stronger”
To be completely honest, it’s extremely easy to write this, but not so easy to carry out. I have been trying these tactics for months, but at times still feel completely overwhelmed and exhausted by the volume of my own thoughts. If the above tips seem like too much, this is what I tried initially.
Every time I had a negative or self-deprecating thought, I made a mark. I used to draw tally marks on my arms, but you can tally on paper as well. I started off doing this for just an hour a day (sometimes a day would have way too many marks) and taking special notice of my thoughts. This helped me sort out which thoughts are negative, to begin with in order to separate my critical inner voice from my regular one.
I hope this helps, even just a little bit. I hope that some of you either learned something or felt less alone.
Remember, you deserve happiness.